Room Messes

UntitledI clean my room, well, once in a blue moon. Sometimes, twice a year. A while ago, I did it and managed to accomplish about, err, 15% of the tasks.

Each time I do this, things I’ve accumulated over time resurface and amaze me. Most of them do not make sense, actually, like empty boxes and wood planks. Sometimes, I suspect that I’m a witch. But there are moments, though, when I find artifact that rekindles memories and melts my heart.

Tonight, for instance, I found Nick’s body spray. Olfaction. I sprayed it on my hands and almost 3 months after he left, once again I stumbled upon his familiar scent.

Olfaction. It was olfaction that brought back the nervousness I felt when I fetched him in the airport last December. It was olfaction that brought back the feel of his hands intertwining with mine, the feel of his lips on my right temple for the first time. It was olfaction that brought back our four rambling months. Together.

You see, we have both good and bad days, and olfaction brought them back to me tonight. We have travels and adventures and nasty fights. We’ve exchanged romance and poetry and cruel words. We furnished each other with reassurance as well as cusses. Especially when we had enough. Time and again, we have pulled and pushed one another. We shared lots of break ups, both staged and hasty.

Our relationship, you see, is clattered, like my room. But hey, there are artifacts, symbols, that I find once in a blue, and that never fail to melt my heart. Adventures. Acts of kindness. Date in coffee shops. Favourite tea flavours. Book passages we’ve highlighted. Poems we have written, recited and dedicated to each other. Half-eaten plates. Butterflies for our firsts.

So yes, contrary to the popular trend of couples announcing perfect lives in Facebook, Nick and I are not like them. We’re composed, basically, of good and bad days, but that is life and that is being human — finding good things in retrospect and reliving them. And hey, guess what? The bad things did not spoil them and make them unimportant.



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