Fairy tales and delusions

Your return is irritating. I want you out of my life and here you are, leaning in the doorway, in front me, holding your perfectly crafted delusions. I do not appreciate the way you permeate in my social fabric, if any, I find it repulsive.
 
Please, do this world a favour — dissolve into hell and never ever come back.
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21st century detachment

The fact that I do not have a cellphone seems strange to most people. But seriously, I don’t have one. I lost my mobile device a year ago, and I have no plan of getting a replacement.

Before that incident, I actually have been planning to throw it away but guilt, well, the awareness that I would be wasting a resource, it was, in some way, hunting my conscience. Luckily, I was saved by contingency.

If you ask me, I actually like this life without a mobile phone. For instance, I do not receive nonsense messages about the taste of a stupid pancake or useless quotes about unrequited love. I am not obliged to pick it up should anyone decide to give me a ring, or reply to inquiries sent out of the blue. I also like the invisibility it provides me, as sometimes, I don’t want to be found.

I actually revel in its absence. I like the way I set time for an appointment, scribble the info on my planner or piece of paper, move ahead of the schedule, and be there.

Without the device, conversations in my life, I noticed, are more meaningful and intimate. It is never instant. Human connections are more interpersonal and satisfying. You see people, their gestures, peculiarities, and mannerisms. Hell, sometimes you even realized that upon closer inspection, they are beautiful.

So, whenever anyone tell me to get one, a cellphone, I say no. I am okay with this kind of life: authentic and genuine. And, of course, less suffocating. Actually, it’s better.

Mahabang taon na ang lumilipas, mahal

Napapadalas nanaman ang pagdalaw mo sa isip ko. Ikaw ang unang ala-alang tumatangan sa akin sa umaga. Ala-ala mo rin ang kasama ko bago ako sunduin ng antok sa madaling araw. Kumusta ka na, dati kong sinisinta?
 
Gusto kong itanong ito sa’yo, ngunit ayokong kausapin ka. Ayokong magtagpi ng mga pangungusap na magdudugtong sa naputol nating pag-iibigan. Gusto lang kitang kumustahin. Sana, hanggang ngayon, nasasaktan ka pa rin.
 
Isinusumpa mo na ba ang hamog ng madaling araw? Mahabang taon na ang lumilipas, mahal, simula ng huli tayong magbatuhan ng sulyap sa pagitan ng mga kumot. Wala pa rin bang nakapupuno sa puwang na binitbit ko? Mahabang taon na ang nagdaan, mahal, simula ng iniwan kong basag ang damdamin mo.
 
Galit ka pa rin ba sa akin? O tuluyan mo nang nakalimutan kung sino tayo dati? Tayong mga kawatan, mga walang pinaniniwalaan kundi ang marurupok na mga pangakong inialay natin sa altar ng paghahangad.
 
Kanina, may nakita akong iika-ikang ibon at naisip nanaman kita. Magaling na ba ang pakpak mong minsang kong binali ng todo-todo? Nakakalipad ka na ba ulit? Nakakalipad ka na ba ulit ng malayo? Masusundan mo na ba ako para maglibang at maghiganti?
 
Kung hindi mo pa kaya, ako ang babalik. Tatagpuin ulit kita, mahal, upang maipagpatuloy natin ang nasimulan. Sana, kahit papaano, naghilom na ang pait na dinala ko dahil katulad ng maraming pagkakataon dati,
 
sa ibabaw ng kumot
sa pagitan ng malalalim na buntong hininga
nangungulilang hamog sa bintana
at palihim na mga sulyap,
huhulmahin ko ang mga bagong pangakong
tatahi sa damdamin mong
muli kong paduduguin
sa altar ng mga
hinahangad.
 
Mahabang taon na ang lumilipas, mahal.